Codependent Pansy Bitch

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: Homestuck

“Reminder of the day: Puberty has treated John very well, more than what Dave first had thought earlier. Like fucking Jesus christ has descended from the sky, brought to life for the task of handing John the gift of handsomeness and delicious attributes in person, kissing his abs, preaching: ”you da man” to him and subsequently attending the ‘Party Rock Anthem’ video, because thug life chose him.”

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: The Sword of Truth

“‘Oh Richard, plunge your engorged D’Haran sword of passion into my exotic orchid!’ Kahlan ejaculated.

With a metallic ring that cut the air into thin slices, so thin that they were transparent, Richard drew forth his mighty meat mace, which had the word Truth engraved in it. No collectivist could ever have such a wondrous sexual eggplant, as those people were without exception acting out of jealousy and justified sense of inferiority and thus wished to surgically, yet as painfully as possibly, truncate every man’s stiff, proud flagpole of individuality into dismal but uniform one and a half inches, as was the custom in Jagang’s evil Empire.”

karkats-face-on-things:

:33 < karkitty

execute-billiards:

THANK.

YOU.

(Source: unpopular-hs-opinions)

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: Twilight/X-Men

“My name is Isabella Swan Wolverine.”

jumpingjacktrash:

rumminov:

turtlemaiurtle submitted: I was looking back through your art tag to find a picture and uh…

EQUIUS………….. NO……STAY AWAY FROM THAT

don’t listen to them, equius. you go git that thang.

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: Bible

“‘okay’ said jezuz ‘letz go to your stable and lissen to hawthorn heightz so we can kri n maek our tearz lube so we can sex’”

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: Borderlands

“It started in the orphanage. Oh yes, the orphanang.

He had been abandoned at the orphanage as an infant, a textbook case of the doorstep babby. Brick was fine with his parents’rejection; his mother was a harlot, jumping in bed with anyone capable of making erections to her, and his father was for all intents and purposes, foreign and domestic, truth anything was better than being raised by those people…except for the orphanagle.

The staff was apathetic, so the children were left to their own devices and their own cruel hierarchy. Young Francis was not a bright or charismatic child, so there was only one choice of action for him to survive: he had to become the mightygest monster in the unforgiving World of Orphanage: the greatest gladiator in the orhpanage colliseum, the employee of the month in the orphanage corporation, the most valuable player in the orphanage fps deathmatch, the table tennis champ in the furious flinging of orphan balls across small green tables, the deepest scuba diver in the history of the deep blue orphan sea, the fastest teenage burger-flipper of McOrphans. He felt he had to be alot like all of those things even if they had nothing to do with anything at all, except orphans were involved. So he became mighty and mean.”

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: Twilight/Pokemon (Jacob Black/Pikachu)

“Jacob picked Pikachu back up and tried to aim his penis for the proper mark. He knew he had hit with the satisfying ‘PIKA!’ that was breathed from the Pikachu as his penis entered its anus. The Pikachu and Jacob were both incredibly horny now, losing control completely for full fleshy desires. Pikachu rode upon Jacob’s thick hard penis with great lustful delight, as it screamed in pure desire.”

Okay Im just gonna say it here instead of in the tags but props to the author for not using a stupid phrase/word for penis and anus

askacavalreaper:

What do you say, darling?  How a8out we show these dullards how to party?

Come now, don’t leave me hanging.

(xoxo, askapir8)

wHY ARE WE SPARKLING,

wHERE HAS THE RUM GONE,

dID YOU ACTUALLY DRAG AN INDUSTRIAL FAN ALL THE WAY HERE,

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: Bible

“Mary the atheist prostitute was sad. she was an atheist and that made her sad because death scared her.”

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: Hetalia

“Everyone was OK except for Germany who had been forced to watch Jersey Shore and would never fully recover from the trauma.”

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: Naruto

“Minato tilts his head curiously as he watches, groaning with pleasure and putting his hands on the back of her head. His arms suddenly disappear. He glances down to see that his legs just disappeared. She sucks harder and his head and main body disappears, leaving his long wet penis.”

wtffanfiction:

Fandom: Star Trek

“Jim waved the dildo. It flopped accusingly at Spock. ‘Care to explain this little number, then?’

Spock’s eyelids slid down for at least two seconds. ‘That’s my penis, Captain.’ His arm was still out. ‘I would appreciate its return. My uniform trousers appear somewhat ill-fitting without it.’”

wtffanfiction:

“How Snuggle the Fabric Softener Bear receives his awesome power.”

Fandom: Snuggle the laundry detergent?